Elise's Moving Day. Take Five.

Elise is moving. Again. This is her fifth move in three years. I can't believe it, either, but her fourth year at Nicholls will be spent at yet another address.

            My daughter's packing style mimics my own. She sorts as she goes, verbalizing both her thoughts and actions. Although there to help, I spent a few minutes observing.

            "Where do I begin?" Elise began as she scanned her large bedroom. I was hoping she had a plan that was better than mine. Or at least more honest. I told her to put all the stuff by the side of the road, tell her Daddy she was robbed, and go shopping. Now, don't judge me just yet. If you had seen her room, you'd understand. It looked a little like a crime scene, and a lot like my sewing space when I'm in the middle of a project. I get it. School, work and friends leave little time for cleaning, hanging up clothes, and organizing. In the midst of this clothing chaos, a Scentsy warmer, prominently displayed on an otherwise crowded nightstand, filled the room with a sweet fragrance. I continued to watch the fifth episode of 'Elise's Moving Day.'

            "This is Victoria's. This is Victoria's. This, too," she repeated over and over as she handed me her sister's clothes. Items belonging to friends were placed in a plastic bag for later distribution. Suitcases and laundry baskets were filled with her things, and although we were far from finished in the bedroom, we moved to the kitchen. What was not thrown or given away was transported to the condo she'll be sharing with Nikki, her best friend. I was little surprised, but a lot more pleased as I watched her clean up to leave the house ready for the next tenants. (Or to get back her deposit, but please let me just believe she cleaned because it was the right thing to do.)

            If you've moved lately, you can relate. Maybe your residence has remained the same for decades, but it's likely you've still made a few moves to a new job, church, ministry, relationship, or a different season of life. Some moves we direct ourselves, many are beyond our control. Births, deaths, and other people's decisions often force changes we neither want nor welcome. It doesn't really matter. Moving and adjusting to new circumstances are part of the journey. My prayer is always for smooth transitions.

            I was a little sad about Elise moving from the larger than necessary house to a bedroom with half the space she's accustomed to. She's not. Elise is excited because she is looking at the benefits. She's moving forward and looking forward to this new chapter of her young life. When moving into a new area of life, I need to force myself to look at the positive changes.

            Elise sorted as she packed, throwing out what no longer works. Whether it's a broken hair straightener or a burnt pizza pan, unproductive methods or life-draining thoughts, only bring what you need to your next place.

            Stay flexible. To make the most of her new room, Elise's dresser will hold her TV, her desk will double as her nightstand, and her bookcase will be given to her niece, Adeline. Old relationships don't have to be discarded in new phases of life, but sometimes the nature of the friendship changes.

            And please remember to clean up. My goal is to leave every place a little better than it was when I got there. Thanks to Scentsy, Elise's old bedroom will smell fresh for a while after she's moved. May the essence of who we are linger long after we've left.

Ronny may be reached at rmichel@rtconline.com

A Picture's Worth

One month ago,  my husband's parents were alive. It's difficult to believe he lost both of them so quickly. An activity which has helped to ease the pain of losing two loved ones is looking through the boxes of photographs found in their home. So many memories were released as those boxes were opened. Pictures of my father-in-law in the Navy, snapshots from various weddings, stacks of photos of the grandchildren, and even a print of a younger me which very much resembles my daughter, Victoria. Poor child.

            Thirty years ago, you might have heard me say that I would always keep up with photo albums and carefully arrange pictures in chronological order. Raising five children has erased such fantasies. Having all of my boxes of pictures in one spot is my new goal. Lofty, but I think I can do it.

            In this imaginary spot in my home, I hope to include a family photo taken on Father's Day 2012. My oldest daughter, Monique, handed a camera to her husband, Frank, as she gathered us together for a family photo.

            "Frank should be in the picture, too," I told her as we found our places in the corner of the kitchen.

            "He's in enough pictures," she quickly said.

            Before I could respond, Frank was instructing us to "look at the camera. One, two, we're having a baby!" And with a few clicks of the lens, he captured our reactions to the wonderful news.

            We weren't even finished with our congratulations when Monique asked us to keep it a secret until she was further along in her pregnancy. The secret lasted less than a week. Monique walked into Paw Paw Michel's hospital room bearing bandages from her blood work and three failed attempts to locate a vein. Without hesitation, her Maw Maw looked at her and said, "You're pregnant." I wish I had a picture of that moment.

            In the absence of a photograph, this memory will have to be recorded in the journal I've yet to begin for this new addition to our family. Actually, I haven't even bought it, but I will. Soon. Even before I start rounding up my boxes of photos. And in this new baby's journal, I'll be sure to include several stories about his/her great-grandparents.

Ronny may be reached at rmichel@rtconline.com

Maw Maw Michel

Every week, I relate an episode of my life. I always imagine us sitting down with a cup of coffee and chatting for a few minutes. Silly, I know, but it's the way my mind works and I'm learning to embrace it. This morning, however, I find myself sharing something that, although factual, does not seem real. Since our last visit, my family, still raw from the death of my father-in-law, has buried my mother-in-law, Claire Michel.

            Prior to July 8^th, had you asked me about my in-laws, I would have described their role in my children's lives. You would have heard me mention walks on the levee, spaghetti and meatballs, feeding the hunting dogs, gumbo, trips to Taco Bell, cheesecake, and many, many other things, but you would never have heard me say, 'a real life love story.' Not that it wasn't true, but I never thought of them in that way. I guess they were too busy showing love, and didn't find it necessary to sit down and discuss it.

            Minutes after Monique was informed of the death of her MawMaw, she did a little Math and sent me this text: "MawMaw and PawPaw were married for 23,867 days and she only lived 16 days without him." She used that fact in her eulogy, which I'm sharing despite being able to contact her for permission. That's okay. I'm not sure she reads my column.

            "23,867 – that’s the number of days my PawPaw and MawMaw Michel – or as you may know them, Charlie and Claire – were married. 23,867. A couple of weeks ago we were in this same church for a very similar reason. My MawMaw sat on that second pew over there. She may have greeted you. I know she smiled at you if she saw you. She was much braver than I ever imagined she could be. She was strong for 16 whole days- her first 16 days alone in 65 years. And 16 days is a long time to live with half of your heart already in heaven.
            "My MawMaw was one of the most nurturing people that I’ve ever met. She truly just wanted everyone to be comfortable. She was always ready to serve…always ready to put other people’s needs first…and always ready to cook something up for you if you were hungry. Actually, she was always ready to cook something up for you even if you WEREN’T hungry.
            "Sunday night brought the kind of news that made my eyes immediately sting. It literally just took my breath away for a few seconds. It just hurt. But you know my very first thought was, she's been with PawPaw for hours. Because if she can't be here with us...then that's where she's supposed to be.
            "I don’t know how time works in heaven. I doubt that in eternity there’s a need for clocks or calendars. It gives me great comfort as I think that, although PawPaw was gone from earth for 16 days, he must have just started to look around heaven when he found his bride. 23,867 days were a whole lot to be married…but nothing compares to an eternity together…and that’s what they have now.
            "MawMaw’s life, including her marriage, proved that the greatest joys in life aren't by accumulating more stuff, by having the most glamorous jobs, or by taking the fanciest vacations, but by simply taking the hand of the person that you quite literally can't live without and holding onto the only thing that you can take with you...your relationships.
            "I MISS her. And I miss him. And I can't wait to get to Heaven and see them waving through the gate in the only way that they knew how...together."

Ronny may be reached at rmichel@rtconline.com

Emotional Theme Parks

I envy those who say they're on an emotional roller coaster. While vocalizing sincere empathy, I refrain from saying, "That's it? A roller coaster? I feel as though I'm stuck in the whole theme park!" In addition to the emotional ascents, then plummets of the roller coaster, do you ever feel like you're in a bumper car? Me, too. As much as you think it would feel good to strike back, it won't. Even on that silly amusement park ride, I feel guilty if I bump someone. While real life is rarely spent in one of those cars, it is lived around people, and some carelessly use words that hit and hurt. I use Psalm 141:3 as a prayer, "Set a guard over my mouth, O Lord; keep watch over the door of my lips." I also try to heed what I once read, "When you throw dirt, your hands get dirty and you lose ground." Then there's the Tilt-A-Whirl, which in my life translates as Tilt-Our-World. I would like to think my family is spontaneous and flexible, but who am I trying to fool? All I did was switch from red Solo cups to Styrofoam and everyone had something to say. "Well, this won't last," said one disgruntled family member. "I guess you didn't see the garage," laughed my sister Kay. "She bought a box of 500! We're stuck with them!" Only my youngest child, Victoria, approved. "That's the kind Karleigh's mom buys. I like them." Later that night, Kay returned for ice cream. Ice cream she had bought to keep at my house. "I think I'll put it in a Styrofoam cup tonight. We've got to use them." Geoff just laughed and said, "I think these will turn out okay." And, no. Disposable cups are not the only changes to which we're adjusting. This summer began the season of firsts and lasts in our household. Victoria is entering her final year of high school, and we have had her last Cheer camp, her last participation in Cheerleader mini-camp, and her last yearbook picture, an experience I may never be brave enough to write about. At the same time, we are just beginning with my granddaughter. Adeline's first milestones: her first smile, sitter, and Fourth of July have been documented. She may be able to roll over by now, but she'll have to escape from our arms to prove it. These firsts and lasts remind me of an experience on a carousel. It's a gentler ride, with ups and downs as certain as the circle it travels. And as we go round and round, it's always comforting to find that familiar face in the crowd, the parent, friend, or sister who keeps your freezer filled with ice cream, smiling and waving in support. I have no doubt we will meet the challenges of the future. We even survived Styrofoam cups! Ronny may be reached at rmichel@rtconline.com

PawPaw's Eulogy by Lauren and Elise

Elise - I never thought this day would ever actually come. PawPaw was with us our whole lives and it's strange to be surrounded by so much of our family today, and not have him here. Lauren -We've spent the weekend telling favorite Paw Paw stories, and sorting through photographs, pausing with each one, to share our memories. When we would visit PawPaw, if we had a complaint, whether it was a stomach ache or a headache or a zit, Paw Paw would go to his medicine cabinet and find the remedy. He always wanted to make things better for us. Elise-I remember the long walks on the levee, picking up cans with a stick, and whining when we stopped walking and I realized how far we were away from home. I never thought I'd make it back, but PawPaw always made sure I did. Even if it isn't after one of those long walks, there's still something comforting about turning down E 19 St. I never knew what PawPaw was going to say. I walked into the kitchen last Thanksgiving and he immediately told me, "Elise, it looks like your boyfriend has been feeding you well." When we would compliment MawMaw's meals, he would quickly tell us that he was the one who spent hours cooking it. He once told my cousin that he was once a major league baseball player. But PawPaw never had to tease us about cooking or being in the major leagues to get our respect. He was our Hero just because we knew how much he loved us. Lauren- I'll never forget all of the Taco Bell he used to bring me on Saturday nights. It's still my favorite food group. I'll never forget his smile, or the last time I heard him tell me he loved me. I'll never forget watching him reaching for my MawMaw's hand. I'll never forget how I felt when I heard he died. I'll never forget my PawPaw. Elise- I'm so grateful for him teaching my dad how to love his wife, raise his kids, and support his family. He was a fighter and one of the best examples of what a true man is. I cannot even say how grateful I am to have spent the past 20 years with him. I love him forever. Lauren- It's strange to go to his house now and not see him It's been hard.. really hard. He would have loved to have been with us when we gathered together at his house-with his children, grandchildren, great-grandchildren... and of course, his wife, but when I think about it, he WAS there… in the legacy he left behind. Without him, we wouldn't be here. I'm so thankful for my Paw-Paw, and I hope he has fun in Heaven because after dealing with me as a granddaughter, he deserves it

Adeline Grace

This is the column I've been waiting to write. Waiting and begging. Believe it or not, I secure permission from my family before discussing their lives with you. Several months ago, I approached my daughter Lauren with today's topic. She asked me to wait until she was ready. And now that she's ready, I've discovered something she wrote in March for one of her college courses. The topic was "Falling in Love." As I read it, I realized that after all the months I waited to write, I still won't, for it is Lauren's own words I'll use. "Over eight billion. That's how many results are found on the internet when the word love is typed on the Google search engine. Love quotes, songs about love, and scriptures pertaining to love will all be displayed and with one single click on the link, you can discover things you may know or may not know about the word love. Unfortunately, sometimes out of those eight billion results, you'll begin to see that not all of the feedback will be positive because not all of our experiences with love will be the happily ever after dream we've dreamed since we were little. More times than not, it seems like we have more wicked witches in our lives than Prince Charmings, and that's just it. We automatically relate love to a relationship between a man and a woman and forget that there are many forms of love. Parents, siblings, and friends are all 'loved ones,' showing the many variations of love. "Lots of questions arise when the word love is mentioned and the following is a popular one: 'What's true love?' I wish I had a dollar for every time I laugh out loud when somebody asks me about anything love or relationship related. I respond, 'Listen to what I say rather than follow in my footsteps. I give good advice, I just don't take it.' Let's just say, it took me a lot longer to find out what it's like to be in love than it should have, but now that I'm head over heels, I guess I can tell you what it's like. "I've never laid eyes on my true love yet, my only real love. I can't listen to the voice or even stare in the eyes of my love, but I can hear a heartbeat. I feel movements all over, and literally have to catch my breath from the constant jabs in my ribs. I've only seen a black and white image on a screen in a doctor's office, and even then, he has to point out her different features for me to recognize what I'm looking at. She's growing just right, and according to the doctor, will be completely healthy at the time of delivery. Yes, I'm in love with my baby girl. Some people don't fall in love until they've been on several dates, but she's stolen my heart from the very beginning, and eight months later, we're still going strong. "When you're in love, you are constantly considering the other person's desires before your own. Every time I ask the waiter for water instead of Dr. Pepper, I know that it must be love for me to sacrifice caffeine. For me, being in love means walking into Gap Kids before the Gap, discussing baby names instead of names of current dating contenders, and eating what my baby needs rather than what I want. "It's hard to forget I'm in love when I have someone inside of me constantly reminding me of her presence with every kick, punch, or hiccup. Every movement is a reminder of life. A life I love, value, and treasure." "Of over eight billion love suggestions, I only need one: Adeline Grace." On April 26th, Adeline's first breath took mine away. She has snuggled into the hearts of our family and friends as we vie for her attention. Lauren has responded to this new life, this new love, with more calmness and confidence than she has ever had. As she faces the challenges of single parenthood, I pray she yields to the wisdom of God for every decision. And I pray for Adeline to have a strong neck. She needs one to support all of the big ole hair bows Lauren makes her wear. Ronny may be reached at rmichel@rtconline.com

Happy Father's Day

It was many years after my childhood when I realized my father was way ahead of his time. He blazed a trail, going where few men had gone before… the kitchen. If we went to school hungry, it certainly wasn't his fault. In fact, it was very difficult to get out of the house without eating breakfast. Don't think he did as I would later do with my own children and point to the Pop-Tarts, or tell them to fix cereal in a plastic cup to eat on the way to school. No way. He insisted we sit down to eat the most important meal of the day. Bacon, eggs, grits, biscuits, fruit, and freshly squeezed orange juice were our breakfast staples. To give us a break from the cafeteria, he would occasionally bring us lunch at school. In addition to the hamburger, fries, and a Coke from Mac's Grill, the bag would also hold a York peppermint patty bought from Donaldson's Drug Store, conveniently located across the street from the bank where he worked. But the candy always smelled like Brut. I concluded that he would buy the candy, put it in his suit pocket where it absorbed the scent of the cologne, then pick up the hamburgers and deliver them to school. This helps to explain why I think of Brut and Dad and hamburgers and St. Peter School, when I see a York Peppermint patty. (Why I can remember all of this, yet walk into a parking lot without a clue as to the location of my car, remains a mystery.) I love celebrations, and am happy to celebrate Father's Day with him this month. I'd also like to wish a Happy Father's Day to the men whose lives I've observed, some from a distance, and some up close. Happy Father's Day… …to the fathers who work 40+ hours per week to house, feed, clothe, and educate their children. On top of that, they volunteer hours of their time at school, church, and in the community. May their diligent example echo for generations to come and urge many others into lives of service. …to the men who have jumped off of the corporate ladder, realizing the money they made was nothing compared to the moments they missed. May they experience the overflowing blessings of God for their commitment to their family. …to the dads who have the wisdom to draw boundary lines for their children and the courage to maintain those boundaries. Remember that the best guards are placed around the most valuable treasures. May they be strengthened in their God-ordained positions. …to the men who, for a season, or for a lifetime, have found room in their hearts and in their homes to care for someone else's child. May they reap bountifully from their giving. …to the fathers who are waiting for their prodigals to come home, or for those whose child has preceded them to our Heavenly home. May they find continual comfort from the Holy Spirit of our God. …to the dads who, at times, were called to also fulfill the role of Mom. This includes my own husband who spent nearly a year cleaning up after I suffered the effects of chemotherapy, taking care of our four young children, and keeping up with his job. He has never, ever, even in the midst of our most lively conversations, brought up all of the sacrifices he's made. May he one day see in himself what I see in him daily. …to the men who have been diligent to train their children in the ways of our Lord. May they find great joy in watching the seeds they've planted bear much fruit. These men may never see their names in lights or as the byline of a best-seller, but no earthly achievements would make me respect them more. They are men of integrity. They do the right thing just because it's the right thing to do, and I believe all of Heaven applauds them. Ronny may be reached at rmichel@rtconline.com