Eclairs, Guilt, and Paris

"What's an éclair?"
I thought she was joking, but a second glance at her innocent face assured me of the sincerity of this cashier's question. As I began to describe the famous French pastry, I thought, my kids may not be able to name the four food groups, but they know their desserts. The young woman standing before me was likely the product of a nutritionally sound mother who kept her children out of the bakery.
The reason for my purchase could have added another layer of guilt. The éclairs were headed to a friend who was recovering from surgery. Now, don't be too hard on me. I've made my share of chicken soup, but this time, I was more inclined to buy something sweet.
As I left the store, I decided I would not spend a minute of my day regretting the foods I've introduced to my children. Nor would I feel badly about the fact that although I have prepared many, many meals in the course of my almost 30 year marriage, I still do not enjoy cooking. I've felt guilty over too many things for entirely too long. When I worked, I felt as though I should have been home more; now that I'm not working, I feel guilty for not earning any money; if I let myself, I'll even start feeling guilty for having no desire to recycle. It's at times like this, God reminds me of a prayer I prayed a very long time ago.
As a young wife and mother, I was blessed to be surrounded with many Godly women who served as my examples. They baked their own bread, sewed their own clothes, and never thought of overspending at the mall. I cried out to God, "I can see why you love them. It's so obvious. I just don't understand how You could love me, too. I can't promise to ever be like my friends, but if You help me, I'll be the best 'Ronny' that I can be." My life, my marriage, and my mothering skills may not be perfect, but they're perfectly me.
Amazingly, I don't feel guilty about my youngest child, Victoria, being my first to travel abroad. When the opportunity arose for her to join the group her French teacher, Christine Klibert, was leading, we put her name on the list and began making monthly payments.
Last year, when I returned from Paris, my firstborn, Monique, presented me with a coffee mug bearing a beautiful sketch of the Eiffel Tower.
"Oh," I said, "You want me to always remember my trip"
"No," she cheerfully replied, "I just want to remind you to bring me the next time you go."
I know some day, some way, I'll make sure my other children enjoy the same adventure. In the meantime, as Victoria and her cousin, Tiffani, stroll the streets of Paris, I hope they make a detour into a bakery and enjoy an éclair.
Ronny may be reached at rmichel@rtconline.com