Where's the Funeral?

“Who died?” Lauren asked as she walked through the kitchen.
“Is it that obvious?” I answered with a question of my own.
“You wear the same outfit every time you go to a funeral,” she informed me, unnecessarily.
What can I say? My wardrobe has become dull and predictable. When I was her age, I had stylish clothes, although my closet currently has no evidence to support that statement.
I left the house, and drove for only a minute before my husband called. “Where are you?” Michael asked.
“On my way. I’ll be there in ten minutes,” I assured him.
“Why did you tell me it was at St. Peter Church? No one’s there. Didn’t you read the newspaper? Where’s the funeral?” So many questions!
“Well, go to the…”
“No, they’re not at the funeral home, either. Didn’t you read the newspaper? Where’s the funeral?”
“No, I did not read the paper. My parents told me the time of the services and I just guessed the rest.” I guess I was wrong. “It’s not like they’re on the move.” I added. “We’ll find them. Give me a minute.”
I called my Mom and my Aunt Judy. No one answered. Great, I thought, they must have read the paper and they’re already at the wake. My next call was to my sister. Kay and I rarely bother with pleasantries, but rather go straight to the point of the call. I’m not sure if that’s a good thing, but it’s the nature of our relationship. Our conversations begin with sentences such as, “I’m hungry; what did you cook?” “Is your dryer empty, mine broke.” “Victoria needs to borrow a pair of school socks.” Or, in this case, “Google an obituary for me.”
I soon had the answer, and called Michael. “St. Joan of Arc,” I announced, triumphantly.
My husband was unimpressed. His only response was, “I can’t believe you didn’t read the paper. Who guesses about funerals?”
We all know the answer to that question. I do.
Michael and I made it to the church on time, and I titled our morning, “The Amazing Race.”
Occasionally, I have days like this. Thankfully, those days are minor parts, and not the sum of my life. While I may drop the ball with daily details, I’m not guessing about my final destination. One of the many verses circled in my Bible is I John 5:13. “I have written this to you who believe in the name of the Son of God, so that you may know you have eternal life.”
I’ve titled that verse, “The Amazing Grace.”
Ronny may be reached at rmichel@rtconline.com.